celestos

Once again, major warning for a scene involving suicide and... a very gory, unpleasant scene.

More empty days drifted by. Rei learned how to wash clothes by hand under the tap, and found that Judai was unbeatable in any card game she knew. She grew bored of eating out of tins, and started putting food onto plates and mixing them up. She was sick once, but it went away by the next morning, and the sight of sub-par tinned food no longer made her stomach turn.

She began to look out of the windows more often. Some days, she would spend hours in Asuka’s parents’ old bedroom, and stare out at the street. Nothing was out there. There were no moving humans, nor cars.

Once, she glimpsed a sight of a thickset-looking man. The flash of dark metal by his hip made her shirk back. Asuka had told her to stay back. Nobody went out of the house that day.

The mornings were quiet. Sometimes, Rei would hear birds, and wonder what they had to eat outside. Even the cats had crept away, or met their sad ends by the road. She had spied a dead animal of some kind out of the window one day, and told Shou about it. By the end of the day, it was no longer there.

She was sick of being inside, she realised. Inside was still. Outside was where she had once been. It was the rest of the world.

She was alive. They had found her. Judai had told her that they would search for others - but it seemed like a lie, Rei thought, the longer she thought. Judai and Asuka - and Shou, before he had been injured - seemed to leave the house only to come back with food. She had been kept inside.

You’re a child. Younger than us.

The more it repeated, the emptier the words seemed to feel.

The morning Rei spent by the window seemed to drift slower than usual. She could not think of anything to do, or to stare at out of the window. She had already mapped out the road, down to the branches of trees reaching out, and counted all of the cobbles on the neighbour’s driveway - even the ones she could barely see under the shadow of a now-useless car.

Her head sank down onto the windowsill. The sky was white. There was not even a breeze as she opened the window and tasted the air.

The house was safe, but the longer she stared, the more it seemed to close in, almost like a cage.

Things no longer felt right.

Heaving, Rei dragged herself down the stairs. She had learned the position of each of Asuka’s photographs off by heart, but could not bring herself to stare back. The faces were smiling. Frozen and dull, their eyes seemed to drive holes into her as she went down, not meeting their gaze.

Downstairs was quiet. Judai was most likely out, as he usually was. It was something Rei had observed over the days she had spent at the house. Before Shou had been injured, he and Judai had been coming back with supplies, and now Asuka had replaced him. Judai seemed to take the lead. Asuka was the one who managed inside the house, but Judai led the way outside of it.

She had wondered about it for days. Once, she had thought of asking Shou, but the opportunity had been missed.

Rei pushed open the living room door and peered in.

She had been right. Judai was not there, and she had not spotted his coat on the hook either. What did surprise her was the sight of both Shou and Asuka, sat on the couch, playing cards. From the look on Shou’s face, he appeared to be losing.

He turned around with the creak of the door. “Rei? You want to join in?”

“There’s not enough space.”

Asuka turned to her, as if to invite. “We’ll sit on the floor, then. We’ll move.”

Rei looked back in dry silence. Half of her did want to join in the game, but the other half was still thirsty for knowledge. The house felt too small and too large, both at once. The walls felt like they had grown, and the inside had shrunk. Winter would come, she thought. Already, the days were being cut short, and the darkness was fast to fall.

Tonight would be like the evenings before: lit with flashlights and candles. She would sleep in two blankets.

She reached for one of the cushions, tossed to the floor. Her mind was elsewhere. “…Asuka?”

“Yes?”

“What’s the outside like?”

The answer was clear. She saw it from the window each day. It had been, and would be empty; dead, lonely, with the rare remaining turned still wandering the streets. Most were dead, or cooped up in their own, locked-up homes. Glass was intact, save for a few broken windows, the teeth of glass maws patterning down the road.

Asuka’s house had no broken windows.

The houses were never disturbed. Stores were open territory, Asuka had said once. Everything they needed could come from there. There was no need to break into any houses.

We broke in once -

Shou’s words still rang. They had broken in once, and it had made them an enemy; the man with the gun.

Once, she had realised laying in bed at night, had been a lie. What there was to search for in houses, Rei did not understand. If the store had whatever they needed - were they searching for something else? For someone alive, or to bury the dead?

It made Rei wonder, as much as it left her on edge. She had been lied to. She did not understand why.

Some part of her longed to go out there again.

“Well…” Asuka thought, before trying to put it into words. “There isn’t much out there. You saw it yourself.”

“Is he still out there?”

Asuka froze. “Who?”

“The… the man with the gun.”

For a moment, she saw Asuka glance over at Shou. She quickly turned back. “I suspect. He’s dangerous. It’s not safe for you out there.”

“But… he’s not there all the time, is he?”

“We still have to be careful. That’s why Shou’s staying here.”

Rei’s eyes trailed over to the bandages wound over his arm. The old and the new, the upper and lower, had both been replaced. New wraps peered out from under his shirt sleeve. There was no blood. She sighed with relief.

Shou looked back, just as anxious as Asuka. “Yeah. I mean, if it’s safer, it’s better for us to stay here.”

“How long?” Rei did not realise how desperate she sounded until she had said it. It came a little too late.

“What do you -“

“How long for? How long do we have to stay here?”

“As long as we need to,” Asuka insisted. Her expression made Rei think of her stepmother again, firm but caring under the strictness, but she did not want to think of the latter. Asuka was worried, but she was worried too much.

“You said you were looking for others. There’s more than us out there, right? Even… even that guy with the gun. Doesn’t that mean there’s more to see out there?”

“There is, but - “

“You went out and found me,” Rei pressed, unable to stop herself. “I’ve been out there. Why can’t I go with you? I’ll be fine. I’m not hurt or anything.”

“Because you’re younger. You’re better off staying here.”

She felt herself grow closer to snapping. “Does it matter that much?” Her words came out in a growl.

A sigh shivered through her ears, making goosebumps rise on her skin. She looked up, seeing Asuka looking back down. There was fear in her eyes, for definite this time amidst the furrowing of her brows. “Yes. Rei, it does.”

“Aren’t we just going to die if we stay here like this?”

“We aren’t. We’ll stay here a while, until it’s safe to go out there again.”

“And when is it safe?”

“When - when…”

Asuka hesitated. Rei stared on, unable to bear the silence. It was useless, she thought. If Asuka had something to hide, then she could tell her. She had told her, so many times, that she was one of them, one of their group - but no matter what, she would always be different. She would always be younger, and unwilling to be deceived…

“When?” Rei shouted. “When that guy’s gone? When will he be gone? He’s just going to stalk us forever, won’t he? Until we’re too scared to even step out of here. Until… until we starve, or die?”

“Rei - no, we’ll find a way - “

“What’s going on?”

Shou had peered in from the doorframe. Behind his glasses were wide, threatened eyes. His bandaged arm pushed open the door.

“Nothing,” Rei scowled. “Nothing. We’re just stuck here. Is it all really because of… because of that guy?”

He came into the room, properly this time, and sat down on the couch. His bandaged arm went up onto the arm-rest, but the other one stayed by his side. “Because of him?”

“You said there were people alive. Like I am. But we’re just like this. We’re all inside, doing nothing. Why?”

She hated it. She hated the stillness. Outside were most likely others. If Judai and Asuka only went out to get supplies, they could take her - but they had refused. The excuses were painful. Each one drew her closer to shouting, to starting some kind of argument until one of them gave in. Outside was not pleasant. Outside was not really somewhere she wanted to be - but it was different from being inside the house. It was freedom. Outside was the hope that others were out there.

Rei knew she was not a child. She would never be one again.

“We’re not doing nothing,” Shou sighed. “We… we’re trying. And we do go out there.”

“You do,” Rei pressed. “You never take me. Judai always goes, anyway.”

“Because - “

“Because I’m a kid. Because I’m so fragile. Because you don’t want me hanging around?”

“Rei, seriously - “

“Because you don’t want me breaking in and getting eaten? I know you guys break in,” she finished, straight and true. It had grown too strong to hide. Her suspicions scorched at her like flames.

Asuka’s eyes did not widen, but she did take a step closer. The sound of her footsteps made Rei freeze up with fear. Instincts kicked in and she gasped, preparing for some kind of slap.

It never came.

What came was a familiar touch, of Asuka’s hands on her shoulders. She could feel more fear in the trembling of her arms than anger. There was not enough push there for her to be angry, and it only gave anger to her - why are you scared? Why don’t you snap at me? After all, I just found out -

“Rei. I swear,” Asuka breathed out, more scared than outraged. Her hands shook, and it was difficult for either of them to look at each other. “I swear, we’re doing what we can. We’re doing this to stay safe. And it’s dangerous for any of us, what with him out there…”

Rei swallowed. Him. She could feel goosebumps. Asuka was right. The man who had tried to kill Shou was out there. What he wanted from them was a mystery. Why he would not listen to them, either, made her uneasy. Their situation was dire. Few had survived, and those who had did not want to work together.

The people around her seemed to be contradicting themselves, and it scared her, deep down. Not breaking into houses had not been such a great lie - but it was a lie nonetheless. They had been hiding something. Something did not feel right.

“Where’s Judai?” Rei suddenly asked.

Asuka said nothing. She glanced over at Shou, who seemed to grow awfully still on the couch. His eyes dipped low, and refused to look up.

The sound that came out of him was not much more than a mumble. “He… he went out.”

“Alone?” Asuka exclaimed, eyes widened.

“He told me not to worry -“

“Of course I’m going to worry!” She shouted, letting go of Rei and storming towards the corridor. Her hand reached for the handle of the living room door, and Rei braced herself for it to slam.

“Asuka, wait!”

“He’s gone out there on his own. I - I can’t let him, not after - “

The sentence was never finished. Shou had already stood up and picked up his pace. His hand reached for Asuka’s, but clamped around her wrist instead. Anxious eyes looked up to meet hers, and Asuka stopped, her hand resting on the door handle still and not letting go.

“It’s because of me, isn’t it?” Shou asked, voice quivering. “Because of… because of the gun.”

“No,” she replied, almost gasping in panic. “He knows. You know. It’s not just him out there. You can’t tell if anyone’s out there. If they’re turned, ” she emphasised.

“But he - “

“You should know! Come on!”

It was as if they had forgotten about Rei in the room, who stood there, jaw slack and listening. They did not turn back toward her. Asuka dashed out of the living room. Shou’s hand did not let go of her, and he followed, just as desperate. The sounds of coats swishing against other coats sounded out.

Rei’s heart stopped. If there’s… turned out there…

Half of her wanted to slam the door shut and run. She would cower under the covers of her warm, white-sheeted bed, and not look up again until she heard familiar voices, until they were all safe and sound - until Judai was certainly safe, and the others would be. The other half of her screamed with her heartbeat.

Go! What are you doing, standing - get out there, go with them!

She stood, paralysed, until one side took over and her heartbeat began to beat loud in her ears. Desperately, she looked left and right in search of something - anything - and her eye caught the smooth, familiar wood of her bat.

It had been left in the room since the first day. Quickly, she grabbed it. Even its touch - cold, hard, and somehow dangerous - sent shocks through her veins.

The air felt thicker with danger. The bat was firm in her hands. Rei took a deep breath and pulled open the door, left ajar.

The corridor was already empty. The front door was shut - but not locked from the inside, Rei hoped as she messed with the lock. It took no effort. She could see Asuka and Shou just up ahead, standing just in front of the house, in the middle of the empty road, trying to work out where to go.

The door opened. Rei did not shut it. There was no point, she thought, and she had no keys if it needed to be opened again.

Cool air reached out for her skin and ran down her face. It felt like water, or lightning, a shock so sudden that she had to think back to how long it had been since she had last stepped outside. The sky was as white as it had been through the window, but the air was far colder. Leaves had started to litter the ground. Orange mingled with red on the grey-black of the asphalt.

It was not yet cold enough for her breaths to be visible. Rei gave a shiver, realising how soon it would be.

Bat in hand, she stepped forward. The door gave a creak as it swung back behind her. Carefully, she crept out.

“…where he might have gone to…”

“He’s been going that way with me…”

Asuka pointed out the direction. Rei stayed back, uncertain if she should come forward. She would be sent back, she knew, but it felt wrong to lie. She was already a danger like this, with the bat - and from what she could see, there was only one bag between Shou and Asuka, Shou carrying it slung on his unbandaged shoulder.

Rei took a shaky step forward, hiding behind an uneven bush. Cold leaves brushed against her. Goosebumps danced up her arms. Carefully, trying not to make it rustle, she leaned out and over.

“You sure he’s - ?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know where he is.”

“Think. If he followed any patterns with you…”

“But you were last out with him,” Shou insisted. The urge to ask what they were talking about was growing more and more desperate. The idea was coming together in Rei’s mind, but only slowly - too slowly - and so much had yet to make sense.

They were talking about breaking in. Judai had been leading them.

Just what they lied about…

Rei looked down for a moment, and almost missed the two as she looked up. They had started to run, in the direction Shou had been pointing in. The road was open and empty ahead.

Swallowing, hoping she would not be noticed, Rei followed.

Her legs did not want to run far, and the bat in her hands was more of a dead weight than the rest of her. Even with better sleep and food to eat, Rei knew she was far from what she had been. Her hair streamed behind her as she ran, and she cursed, wishing she had tied it back beforehand. One free hand swiped at the straying locks. No matter she did, it covered her eyes and streamed around her in a mess.

Her eyes struggled to focus.

The two running ahead of her suddenly stopped. Rei halted, quickly looking around for somewhere to shelter. The road was empty. Around her were other houses, but not much else. Needing a hiding place, she ran to one of the fences.

Rei crept behind it.

She had no time to breathe before Shou and Asuka had picked up pace again. There was no choice. The two turned a corner, and Rei did the same, stopping again as quickly as they had.

This time, there was more sound than breaths and beating footsteps.

“Judai!”

She heard Shou cry out and stepped forward. It did not matter, she thought, if they saw her. They would see her all the same. It was too late to listen, too late to be told to go back. She was one of them. She deserved to know everything. She would be seeing it all, and she would not be stopped, not this time. She was not a child. She was thirteen, but she had grown up.

There was no time left to be a child at the end of the world.

She looked up ahead, and saw what had beckoned Shou to call out Judai’s name.

He was stood by one of the houses, back almost glued to the wall. Trailing ivy scratched at his neck. The trellis stuck to the house’s pale wall creaked as he breathed out - and seemed to almost slam back as Asuka raised her voice.

“Judai - what, why did you…”

“I’m sorry! I - I just thought, you know… I thought I’d go handle him on my own. I didn’t want you to get shot, too - “

“And you thought it was fine if only you died?” Asuka shouted. Her hand reached and tugged on his coat, pulling him closer. Rei froze. “Judai, you’re crazy. I could have come with you.”

“I know, but I felt like I could do it.”

“Do what?”

“I could… do something, talk sense into him. I went looking and - shit!”

Judai cursing was loud enough to make Rei’s heart race. She saw him step out suddenly, dragging Asuka with him. Shou copied, a few steps out of their reach but still looking scared. His gaze was in the same direction. Whatever Judai had seen, Shou, too, was seeing.

The window next to them was jagged. A few red spots made the shattered remains look like teeth. From the looks Judai was giving it, something was there, past the jags. Asuka’s head turned to follow.

“Stop there. Move and I shoot.”

Rei gasped at the voice. It was not familiar, but it was loud - loud enough for her to make out the anger. Her feet would not move. Everything around her felt still, as if frozen in time.

“Shit, that’s him, I didn’t - “ Judai gasped.

Asuka let go of him. “Doesn’t matter. Just run!”

“No!”

Judai stayed, frozen against the wall. Shou stepped back towards the fence. Asuka’s hands fell to her sides, but she did not back up. The footsteps grew louder. Run, Rei felt her instincts cry at her. Get away, get away now…

She could not move. She was a sitting duck, neither in the middle of road nor safe by the side. She would be found. Gritting her teeth, Rei clutched the bat tighter in her hands.

Slowly, she came closer and closer.

The door slammed open, making her jump. She almost let out a squeal, but held back just in time to save herself. Her eyes were wide open, transfixed on the open door and the figure that emerged out of it. The same man - it was him, she realised - stood there, shaking with what looked like anger, thicker but not as tall as she had imagined him, with a mess of a beard scratching at his chin and spilling black past his jaw.

In his hands - both of them now - gleamed his gun.

The muzzle was up in the air. Silently, it pointed out, straight at Judai and Asuka. Which one was the target, Rei could not tell, but the sight of one finger on the trigger sent her into panic.

Shou stood by the fence, halfway between moving and staying. Even from where she was, Rei could see his hands shaking in surrender.

“Let go of him.”

His voice was oddly quiet. Rei barely heard, even as her feet took her forward, against the will of whatever told her to stay alive.

Asuka had already let go. Teeth gritted, she took a step back. Judai breathed out, slumping against the wall of the house - and straightening up again, as soon as the muzzle came closer to him, close enough to touch skin.

“Good,” the man said, without a nod or a shake of the head. “Now stay back, or I fire.”

“What do you want?”

The voice that came from behind forced him to turn. His free hand slammed back at the wall, leaving Judai trapped, while the gun swung around. Rei saw Asuka tense. It was pointed at her - right at her now - not as close as it had been to Judai, but still close enough. The shot would be point-blank.

“For you to be quiet,” he demanded. “And if you won’t shut up, then at least you’ll stay still.”

His eyes were all on her. Behind her, Shou shifted back. His step was silent. The man stayed focused, hand holding Judai back and gun pointed at Asuka, unable to move an inch without losing control of either one of the two. Rei saw Shou move back again, then again. His head turned, but not far back enough. She was still barely there.

Scared, she crept back behind the bush.

“You… you want to kill us?” Asuka spoke up. Her eyes were fixed on the man, unwavering even with the barrel so close. “You want us to pay for what we did? For… for the damage?”

He let out a rough cough, throat clearly dry. “I couldn’t care less.”

“But - “

“I couldn’t care less. Everything’s over. I could shoot now and it’d be dealt with. But… but it’s not enough.”

For an instant, Rei was sure that she saw his whole body shake.

“It’s not enough,” he rasped. “It’s just not enough. I… I can’t get them back. Even if I kill you.”

“Them?” Asuka’s tone raised in surprise. “Who?”

Behind her, Judai shook his head, eyes wide, almost desperate. No sound came out of his mouth, but the way his hands shook and the look in his eyes, Rei knew she was seeing denial.

Judai knew something, and it filled her with dread.

“Doesn’t matter. Aren’t they all the same now? To a monster like him - “

He did not finish the sentence. Judai lashed out, shock flashing to anger as he pushed himself from the wall and into the larger man, throwing him off balance. He let out a cry, and reflexes kicked in. Asuka leapt to the side. Judai kicked at his legs, hands prying to try and loosen the hold on the gun.

Shou turned around. Rei had no time to edge back, and their eyes met, Shou’s fast-moving hands the only thing between himself and crying out Rei’s name in surprise.

“Rei, what - what are…”

“I… I heard, saw…”

There was no time to talk. Before the fight before them had stopped, Shou joined her on his knees by the shrub. His hands shooed her, as if to tell her to stay back, but she could not listen. Her heart pounded on, and she could not stop herself leaning in, just as he was, to try and see what was happening.

Fear flooding her insides, her legs prepared to spring and run, as fast as she could.

The worst was on the horizon.

“Judai, stay back!"

She heard Asuka scream as she struggled, moving to one side to avoid any blows. A large hand reached out, but missed, the gun in the other hand holding him back as he tried to catch Asuka’s arm and missed for the second time.

The man lunged again, looking over his shoulder. Judai was on his other side. A quick hand grabbed at the man’s wrist, and the gun pointed straight down to the ground. Judai let out a grunt, all of his strength focused.

“Stay back!” Asuka repeated. Judai did not let go.

She was met with a deep groan from the man. “Shouldn’t you be the one staying back? Aren’t you scared of him?”

“Scared? Why would I be?”

“Because I’ve seen him - “

Rei did not hear the rest. Either her ears shut off for a moment, or it all flushed out from her mind, but she did not hear the man speak. Whatever he said was silent, but the ripple cascaded into a wave - and before she could move from her place, Asuka had grabbed the man’s collar and pushed against him, letting out almost a beastly roar. Judai’s hand stayed firm on his wrist, keeping the gun down and useless.

“Say that again. Say that to me and I’ll kill you,” she snarled, her hand gripping tighter. “But don’t you dare call him - “

“Kill me, then,” he groaned under her grip, as if uncaring. “We’re all going to die, sooner or later.”

“I… I won’t. Not until you put down your weapon. Not until you take back what you said.”

“And why would I?”

“Because you’re human. You’re like us,” Asuka pressed. “You’re just as helpless. Admit it.”

She looked up, and Rei’s heart leapt into her throat. She was almost staring into the barrel of the gun. His fingers was not quite on the trigger, but it was close - close enough for Rei to wish she could jump in and fight him, even if the bullet came to hit her instead.

You’re a child .

Shou’s words rang out in her mind. Her martial arts experience crumbled away. She was weak next to the gun, and he was far bigger and stronger than her. Even Asuka was reluctant to move from her place, feel anchored down to the ground.

The difference between living and dying was no longer a lunge and a bite from the turned. It was a small, single bullet, one that Asuka was not moving away from.

“…Don’t talk to me!”

The gun was still in his hand, but his other hand reached forward to slap. Asuka leaned back. The hand missed, and she gasped with relief, stepping quickly to one side. He looked at her, but did not fire. The hand with the gun dropped down, but he took a step forward. As soon as she tried to move again, it raised itself up, and she stopped.

It was useless to run, Rei realised.

“I know we’re all helpless,” he stated. “I’ve seen enough of it. It’s you that’s the problem. Him. I’ve seen him creeping - “

“Judai wouldn’t kill humans. If they were turned, he - “

“I swear, I didn’t touch them!”

Asuka turned around. Judai was shaking his head, almost pleading. The look in his eyes was desperate, begging for her to believe.

The way she looked back made Rei’s stomach twist with uncertainty. “Judai - “

“And he’s right,” the man stated, suddenly enough for Asuka’s attention to snap back to him. “He didn’t. But he broke in for some reason, and that other one - “

“Shou?”

“ - and I know you were after my family, but you came too late. I killed them myself.”

He looked down at his hands, as if seeing blood that was still dripping. Whatever he was seeing, or thinking of, his hands were clean and only battered with dust.

“I’ll tell you one thing. You’re only human when there are other humans alive. You’re not human when you eat your own kind. Until you’ve seen your own kin slaughtered by their own hands. Until you watch them eating each other, until they’re both dead.”

Asuka let out a gasp. Rei felt her heart seize as the man’s rough tone dipped, enough to make her shiver at the mention of death.

“You - “

“I couldn’t do anything,” he pressed, voice quivering. “I let them do it. I failed, and then I put them out of their misery. I buried them, but… but they won’t be at peace. None of us will.”

“Wait - “

“We’re all going to die. Just like them. They die if they don’t eat. That’s why everything’s empty. Everybody’s like them. They all stayed locked up in their homes. They ate what they could find.”

“But then - “

“That’s why. They ran out of meat. And that’s all we are to them. Meat. They don’t remember us. They’re not human. My little girl couldn’t recognise me.”

Rei thought of her parents, scavenging behind the locked door. Sometimes, she had seen the yarn on the door shake, and ran straight to her room. The first time she had seen movement, she had not come out for the rest of the day, dreading the thought of what exactly had happened.

They were not her parents any more. They had changed, enough to grab their own child and pull him down - and then, Rei had locked the door and ran and cried for hours on end, realising the blame had been hers, and she had done nothing.

How old the man’s little girl had been, she could not begin to guess - but what came to her thoughts were loose plaits and summer dresses, and small hands clinging to larger ones alongside blue skies and laughter.

The laughter broke. There was nothing.

“But - isn’t there something?” Asuka could barely say it herself without hesitating. The same thoughts were probably strong in her vision, Rei realised, as Shou pulled her closer to her, and started to whisper.

The reassurance was not quite enough. She could not stop herself listening.

“My little girl couldn’t recognise me, not when I called her. Not when I watched her own mother tear through her. Not when I saw…”

Her throat squeezed, and she found it harder to breathe.

Marty - Marty - I let him die, I saw him - he died, and I let him -

“Rei?”

She did not turn around. Shou’s voice was scared, too. She could hear him, much closer, just behind her now, but she could not bring herself to move. The gun was not pointed at her, but it could move any moment. It would only take one wrong action. She and Shou would be found behind the thick shrub. One quick move, and all of it would be over. She would bleed out on the asphalt. Her body would rot, or be eaten.

It’s what I deserve. I know. I should have died…

“Rei, just stay calm. We’ll deal with him.”

The longer she stayed there, frozen and heaving, the less likely it seemed. Shou was just as helpless, and he was older and most likely stronger, as small as he was. His arm was covered in bandages, but he was out here nonetheless; out on the ground and creeping closer, enough to reach and wrap an arm around her, close enough for her to make out the sound of him breathing.

“Breathe. Stay still. Asuka will - “

Rei gasped. The sound of footsteps broke through the pumping of blood in her ears. There was a shove and a scream, and a clatter - what almost felt like a bullet but wasn’t - and the sound of her heart overtook everything again. She fell to her knees. Her eyes squeezed shut. She could not bring herself to look up.

Judai had been kicked down. On his knees, he was left to look up into the eyes of his attacker, stronger as he had been before he had come. Rei saw red scrapes on his palms.

“Stop,” Asuka said, trying to stay calm. She was alone, in front of the man now, and barely able to stand. The gun was pointed back to her now, finger not quite on the trigger - but close, Rei realised, dreadfully close. “Stop. I promise. We’ll tend to your wounds. Just… just put the gun down.”

The grip did not waver. “No. I won’t. I won’t stay.”

“Put it down. Please.”

“You… you don’t understand it,” he slurred. “You might have seen death, but I bury my dead. I don’t use them for - ”

“Don’t - “

“No. Fuck you. God damn you, damn everything. We’re all going to die. We’re dying. Damn it. Damn all of this bullshit…”

His hand pulled away. The thick, hairy arm moved, further from Asuka, the silver flash of the gun glinting under a small beam of sun.

“What are you doing?” Asuka screamed, stepping back by instinct. Rei saw her quiver, and she knew in that instant that she was just as scared as she was - just as helpless, just as weak against a man armed and driven mad by the hell around him.

His expression stayed as it was, frozen in anger. Only an eyebrow furrowed, wrinkles zig-zagging through skin

“You - don’t!”

It was Judai that let out the scream.

Metal met the patches of hair by his temple. Rei heard Asuka gasp, and Shou did the same, backing off. Behind his glasses, she glimpsed him shutting his eyes.

The man let out a groan. He was tired, Rei knew - far more tired than wanting to sleep. It was a fatigue that she recognised, one that she had felt herself. She had felt the same feeling back at her house, with her parents behind her. Terror stirred in her mind. She wanted to run. Her feet were glued to the ground.

No - oh my God, no -

“No, you’re the stupid ones,” he said, shaking his head, the gun staying stuck to his temple. His jaw hung slack between words, slowly-rotting teeth exposed to the light. Through the fabric and the dust of his trousers, his leg continued to bleed. “Trying to live. Pretending nothing’s happened. Lying. You’re lying. All of it’s lies.”

“If you can’t - “

“No,” he continued, uncaring. “You got me. I saw what I saw, and I waited. I waited for my family to kill each other.”

He began to cough. “I just wanted to live. But it’s over. You got me now. Take what’s left of me if you like.”

Rei heard the man splutter, saliva bubbling from his lips. His words were slurring, halfway between exhausted and drunk, beyond what she had felt. His hands were braver, she knew, his mind far more determined. There was no stopping him. “It’s over. You got me. I get it. We’re all dying like this. So fuck everything.”

His free hand pressed against the cold of the house’s wall. The hand holding the gun was lifted, up and up, and then to the side. It came towards him, towards his head, pressing so strongly Rei was sure she could feel the ice of the muzzle resonating through her own skull. His finger moved down to press -

“Rei!”

She heard Asuka scream, before an arm that wasn’t hers reached for her shoulders, and a sweaty palm clamped around her eyes in a blindfold, and then, Rei heard the gun fire.

Dusk settled and brought the light down. The air grew cooler. A soft wind, one that would most likely grow harsher later on in the night, blew through the road and ruffled the leaves on the trees.

Rei sat in the kitchen. Next to her, Asuka toyed with a can-opener. Shou was outside, tending to the corpse like he had said he would, Judai most likely with him.

Sighing, she reached out and bit into one of Asuka’s crackers, still laid out on the table. The taste was as bland as paper. Still, it grew soft on her tongue, and the feeling deep in her belly seemed to calm as she ate.

The room remained quiet. There was only the clock on the wall, ticking and ticking. Minutes seemed to go on for hours, the cracker lasting far longer than anything Rei had eaten since coming to Asuka’s house. There was no flavour. The sound it made as it crunched was too quiet. Nothing about it could push back the bang of the gun in her mind, nor the tell-tale puddle of blood she had glimpsed when Asuka, hours ago now, had escorted her back into the kitchen.

Outside was darker now. Evening had fallen. The lights had begun to come on. Hours had been coming and going, going and coming, in silence.

“I’m sorry,” Asuka finally said, leaning against the back of her chair. Her gaze was directed up at the ceiling, as if lost, or looking for hope.

There was none of it in the kitchen, Rei thought, even with food on the table. She finished her cracker in silence, the last of the crumbs dropping down.

“It’s all right,” she sighed. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I understand. But… you didn’t deserve to see that.”

“I didn’t see it.”

She could still remember the feel of it, the imprint of Shou’s palm, clamping over her eyes. It had not hurt. His scent still clung in her memories, dulling amongst the stark bang of the bullet. Her ears had heard everything, and what she remembered, she would not be forgetting.

Asuka shook her head, eyes shutting by force. “Still,” she murmured, “I wish you hadn’t been there. Not when it happened.”

“I know,” Rei nodded. Her lip trembled as she forced out her thought, as deep and dark as it was bitter, but far from pleasant to keep in her mind. “…I’m just a burden, aren’t I?”

“What - no, Rei, you’re not - “

“Isn’t that true?”

“No. I swear, Rei, you’re as much one of us as anyone else, and - “

“Maybe he was right.”

It hurt to think about it, but it was filling her, left to right and bottom up. The thought of it was consuming, like cold, terrible ice, the little voice that still stirred in her mind coiling and twisting around her stomach. The crackers had not been appetising before, but she felt now that what she had swallowed had turned into stones, crushing and pressing.

“Maybe he was right,” she continued. “Maybe we’re all just wasting time. Maybe there’s no point to staying alive.”

Asuka sat up properly, as if by command. Her eyes met Rei’s, sharply, right across the table like twin arrows striking two targets. “That doesn’t matter. We’re not going to go down like - “

“But that’s it. Why are we trying to live?” Rei heaved, her sigh impossibly heavy. “Why don’t we all die? They’re going to get us, or we’ll just starve, or get sick. We’ll end up useless, or eating each other. Like them. Like… like that family.”

The pain of an empty belly was nothing new, not after the days she had spent on her own in her house. She had been lucky, she thought, to have not made herself ill - but it had been hard, almost impossible. The turned were dying, dwindling down, that they knew, but the living could not be brought back. What was left of humanity was impossible to predict. She could count the living humans she had met on one hand, and one had died that same day.

“We… we can’t survive,” she said, “not forever. And even if we stay alive, then… who else is there?”

“We don’t know. That’s why we’ve got to keep looking.”

“We’ve looked. You only found me. You might not have. And I’ve just caused trouble, haven’t I?”

“Rei, I swear, you have not - “

“I’m just an extra mouth to feed. I’m not like you guys. I’m… you said it, I’m a kid. I’m a stupid kid. I’m weak, and I’m stupid.”

She couldn’t stop herself speaking, even if it was hurting her. The words stung, deep down, but they were true; she was younger, and they had been trying to shelter her, and feed her, and give her all that they could, but she was straining them. Hers had been the eyes they had needed to cover. Her body had been the one they had not allowed the thick man to touch.

“You aren’t. I promise.”

“Then why are you keeping me around?”

“Because we couldn’t leave you. Because you survived. We’re going to find everyone else that’s alive in this mess, and - “

“No-one’s alive, are they?”

The chair’s legs groaned as they slid on the ground. Rei stood, so suddenly her heart began to race with a shock. Asuka did not move from her seat, but her gaze remained fixed.

Rei felt her hands ball into fists. Her brows furrowed in anger. “No-one’s alive. We’re lucky. That man was lucky. But… nobody else is alive. Shou’s brother. He’s dead, isn’t he?”

“We don’t - he might be - “

“He’s dead, and we’re all going to die. We’re all going to die, aren’t we? Aren’t we?”

Her blood rushed. Teeth gritted, she pushed the chair back, so hard it fell to the ground with a clatter and a bang. It didn’t matter, not any more. Her thoughts, the good and the bad and those that told her that she still wanted to die were a mess, and she could not get them in order. All of them buzzed, like small, pestering flies, but her eyes stayed firm on the door her feet were moving towards, faster than anything.

Run, something said to her in the swarm of her mind. There’s no point. You’re going to die.

She did not hear Asuka calling her name. She heard nothing at all, nothing but her own footsteps, thankful that she had not taken off her shoes as she opened the door - unlocked, she realised, and stormed out. The door slammed. She still did not hear her.

She was running, to nothing, towards her own death, away from the warmth of the house.

The air out was cold, and Rei bit back a shiver. Shaking her head, she did not stop, pushing on forward, and around the corner, not caring if Asuka would come for her, or if she would not, and she would finally leave her, promise broken like glass on the floor.

No, she thought. That doesn’t matter. It’s all a lie. We’re all going to die. We’re all going to die.

The moon was out, up above. Pale yellow dusted the tops of left-behind cars. Leaves rustled. She could barely see up ahead, until the first of the streetlights in sight painted more of the road vivid gold. Another corner - and no footsteps, she realised, between pants and the beating sound of her own feet on concrete. Asuka was not behind her.

She was alone. Rei stopped, looking around. The road was not new, but a little unsettling, deep into night. Swallowing, she listened in.

Sounds were coming from nearby.

…Voices?

She was not far from the road where they had fought the large man with the gun. Someone, or something was there, and she was hearing faint voices, ones she could not quite make out from the distance between them.

Judai and Shou, her gut instinct told her. They went to bury the body. It can’t be anyone else…

I bury my dead. I don’t use them for -

The man’s voice echoed out through the silence.

For an instant, she thought of living faces, the faces in crowds she had seen before the disaster had happened, and with it, a flicker of some kind of dream. For a breath, Rei thought of some other life.

No, Asuka lied, Rei thought, shaking her head. No-one else is alive.

As quietly as she could, she crept closer to the turn of the road. The corner was thick with untrimmed shrubbery. Peering over, she made out shapes under a streetlight. One wore a hat, and carried a shovel.

…Shou?

She came closer.

She could see more of the shapes unmistakably human, lines of silhouettes marked out by the towering streetlight. Shou’s hands were clenched tight around the shaft of the shovel. She could see him quivering. His shadow was not quite still. Next to him was the corpse of the man, dead on the ground, with someone kneeling over the top of it; someone with a large knife in one hand that they passed back to Shou.

“Here,” she heard a faint, familiar voice say, barely loud enough for her to hear clearly.

Judai?

She did not hear anything else. Shou took the knife and stepped back. Something from the edge of the blade dripped onto the ground.

Rei swallowed.

Blood.

They said they’d bury him, didn’t they?

Goosebumps spiked up on her skin, shivers racking her body. Whatever was happening was definitely far from a burial. If they were searching the body for valuables, then the knife made no sense, least of all why it was red - under the light - with what she knew, deep in her gut, was the dead man’s blood. It couldn’t be Judai’s, not with how he had given the knife back to Shou. He had not been in pain, not enough for the knife to have gone into his own flesh.

Why would he…?

It made no sense. Magnetised and terrified, all at once, heart beating to the point of madness, Rei stared on.

The mess of Judai’s head seemed to dip down, as if to kiss the corpse. Rei’s stomach stirred at the sight. No, she thought as she focused. There were more movements than someone needed for kisses. Shou was in front, watching on, and she could only imagine how he felt, seeing what was unfolding before them - something she knew he was seeing much closer, and that perhaps he was more familiar with.

He was not running. His feet were still anchored down.

She took a breath in, and stepped closer. Peering over, she began to make out more of the details. Blood was glistening on the ground. The corpse was still. Judai was the one that was moving. Shoulders shifted down, then up somewhat. What was going on, it was impossible to tell. Rei could not stop herself. Her feet moved alone.

If she was being too loud, then she did not care - not until Shou turned around, eyes widening as his knife, and the shovel, both dropped from his hands.

It landed on the ground, just as Rei’s eyes started seeing the details. There was blood - definitely blood on the ground, and the way Judai’s hands were positioned, he had to be doing something to the corpse: something she could only pinpoint as one thing, from the faint, awful sounds she was hearing.

In that instant, her mind filled with images. Marty.

“Judai!”

She called his name, before she could make herself think, before the image could start to make sense. As soon as she cried, her hands were over her mouth. Next to her, Shou stood still.

Judai jerked, and by instinct, moved back. There was a terrible pause. Swallowing, his head turned to Rei.

Her eyes widened. Judai’s head turned.

It was him - really him, not anyone else - and she gasped out with fear. It was him: the boy that she knew, the strong one with the confident looks, like a sole summer’s day in the cold. He was there, in the flesh, hands and mouth full, lips red with blood, skin almost unnaturally pale in the light of the moon. On the ground, Rei saw something winding and long. It was something that she did not want to see any closer, but that she could see clearer now, a trail of blood creeping in through the rough grit of the concrete below.

There was silence. Neither he nor she could say anything. They stared, eyes locked on like targets, eye-to-eye, only Judai’s arms shaking somewhat as his chest heaved, uncertain if he could even breathe at the sight of her, seeing what she was seeing.

It was in that silence that she heard him swallow something.

Silence again.

Rei let out a scream.